Hi Irene and "John",

I've read this "item" from your site a few times now. It has particular interest for me as my son was adopted at birth. The difference is, Garrett knows his birthmother and her family and we hope to keep it that way as he grows up.

Maybe this will help to address some of the issues with adoption.

This is a very emotional subject for EVERYONE involved. I am not assuming to speak for the woman (just a girl when she gave birth) who placed her child for adoption. I am only going to give my opinions/insights as someone who has first-hand experience with adoption.

This young woman, having a family situation that appeared to have no way to support an additional child, may have seen that she could not give the baby she was carrying a fair start in life. How would she support him on the meager wages of an "office girl". Maybe she was already helping out at home.

We don't know anything of the circumstances of the child's conception. She, obviously, did not feel the father would be a suitable partner. Perhaps he was already married. We just don't know what happened there.

This woman likely struggled with the fact that she had made this decision for her child. Perhaps it took her a long time to accept that her child would have a better future with another family and deal with the feeling that she had "abandoned" the child. Each birthmother, from my experience, deals with her grief in very different ways.

I can see how, after a long struggle with the loss, it would be very difficult to turn around and invite the person (who she probably felt she had betrayed) back into her life.

If she did, would he accept her? Would he blame her? Wasn't he better off without her? What right did she have to ask to be part of his life after what she'd done? Would she have to dredge up all of the old feelings with respect to the child's father? Wouldn't he have a life of his own and why would he want her to be part of it?

This era was a lot different from what we have today.

I agree with you, though. What a cruel way to have to deal with a child who you feel would have a better chance with another family. What love must be involved to make such an unselfish choice for your child!

Maybe this woman is no longer living.

I encourage "John" to search for his birth family; but, don't expect too much from the search. Any information/family you find is more than you had when you started. Good luck and God bless you in your search.

Margo Love,

Adoptive mother